In Defense Of Men
First off, let me make clear that I do not approve nor condone the abusive and repulsive sexual behavior engaged in by the likes of Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, Matt Lauer and others that is featured all to often in our daily news cycles. The descriptions of their behavior, made by numerous credible victims are disgusting and unacceptable in any civilized society. I do not, in any way, intend to be an apologist for the behavior of such creeps.
Rather, the gist of this article is a defense of an important aspect of the human condition: male sexuality. It would appear that male sexuality has become a “whipping boy” not only for feminist activists, but for “progressive” activists of every stripe. The term “masculinity” has been amended, routinely these days, with the adjective “toxic”, and it appears that the very concept of masculinity has gathered considerable opprobrium. It’s for this reason, that I feel compelled to mount something of a defense.
As I see it, contemporary criticism of masculinity involves three critiques: 1) Men are too often the initiators of sexual activity. 2) Men tend to be more aggressive sexually than women . 3) Men are obsessed with sex.
Consider first the critique, that men, much more often than women, are the initiators of sexual activity. Numerous psychosocial studies have confirmed this. As the authors of one study put it: “Consistent with the traditional sexual script, men were found to initiate sexual activity more frequently than women.” (Korman & Leslie, 1982; Reed & Weinberg, 1984). This fact is often condemned by gender activists, but I would posit that such condemnation is unfair and is evidence of a modern double standard. Feminists appear to have no problem with women being the initiators of sexual activity and many seem to prefer it that way. But why is this state of affairs “good for the goose” but not “good for the gander”? If it’s okay for Barbie to “come on” to Ken, the reverse should be just as acceptable.
Consider, next, the critique that men are apt to be more aggressive in sexual activity, thereby “pushing” women into activities that they may be ambivalent about. While no woman should ever be pushed into an act that she does not consent to, it must be acknowledged that the “signals” of what is or is not consented to require some interpretation. In this respect it’s important to note that the “rules” regarding these “signals” have radically changed over the last couple of decades. In the 50s and 60s women were EXPECTED to put up some type of resistance to male overtures. “Good girls” simply didn’t “put out” easily, no matter what their actual desires were. The gist of the then prevailing sexual mores was summed up neatly in a song from the musical play “Grease”. In one scene where the cast is gossiping, musically, about a liaison between the leading man and woman, the girls sing: “Tell me more, tell me more, was it love at first sight?” The guys: “Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?” All theatrical references aside, it’s indisputable that American males were raised in a milieu where they were EXPECTED to have to overcome a certain amount of female resistance to their advances. But that’s been radically changed of late. I’m not saying, necessarily, that the changes that have occured are wrong or even unfortunate (clear communication in these matters would seem to benefit ALL parties involved!), but I think that it’s important that we recognize the fact that there HAVE been drastic changes in our code of sexual conduct when considering or disparaging the psychology of today”s American males.
Last, consider the critique that men are just “ too obsessed with sex.” To that I would respond that male preoccupation with sex is nothing less than a direct result of nature’s imperative. Millions upon millions of years of primate and human evolution have have molded the male psyche to harbor such an obsession. Sexual drive is written into our genes as well as our psyche. Nature “takes no chances” with reproduction. It dictates that reproduction WILL take place whether it’s convenient or not, whether it’s desired or not, whether the participants are prepared or not and whether or not it’s a “good idea.” The biological imperative of the survival of our species depends on reproduction, and reproduction, in turn, depends on the sexuality of BOTH women AND men.