Mystery Solved
Last week New York Magazine featured a front cover and an article admitting they were totally baffled. The cover featured a greatly enlarged photograph of the bottom half of Joe Biden’s face with the superimposed headline: HOW IS THIS GUY STILL WINNING?
The question is indeed baffling. How is it possible that a presidential candidate of no particular renown remains in the forefront of the Democratic Party’s candidates? How is it possible for a candidate that commits more gaffs than DAN QUAYEL to be still ahead? How is it possible for a candidate who admits, no, BOASTS (see my essay from 9/23/19, The Wrong Conversation), of pressuring the Nation of Ukraine into shutting down an investigation into his son’s quid pro quo criminality, to be still in the lead? How is it possible that a candidate with unavoidable signs of dementia still leads the pack? How is it possible that, in this age of “#me too”, a man with repulsive behavior toward women and even GIRLS (see my essay from 5/15/19, Weirdos (REALLY), Part Two) is still on top? Baffling, indeed!… Quite a MYSTERY!…But, ladies and gentlemen, there IS an answer!…. And ONLY ONE answer!….
The answer, my friends – in fact, the ONLY answer – is very simple. Extremely simple: Joseph Biden remains ahead of all the Democratic Party’s candidates because his competition is ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY ATROCIOUS!… That’s it!… It’s THAT simple!
There’s Bernie Sanders who is, obviously, stark raving crazy, and demented to boot! Elizabeth Warren, who, despite trappings of academia, is so dishonest and so bereft of fiscal acumen, that all but dyed in the wool leftists find her candidacy absurd. AND, furthermore, she may be the ONLY person in the entire United States Of America who is less “likable” than Hillary Clinton. Then there’s Pete Buttigieg who appears to have just graduated junior high. Can anyone see him face to face with Russia’s Vladimir Putin? With Turkey’s Recep Erdogan? With Iran’s Ali Kahmeni? With Warner Brother’s Yosemite Sam?… Me neither. And, what about Kamala Harris and Corey Booker? Their blatant self promotional veneers make it quite unlikely for ANYONE to take them seriously. Then there’s Klobuchar, Yang, Gabbard, and Steyer…. WHO?…
My point, exactly. So, to recapitulate, Joe Biden’s opponents are SO TERRIBLE, SO HORRIBLE, SO ATROCIOUS, that he’s STILL in the lead!… Mystery SOLVED!