Nothing To Confess
Well, it appears that the “ground rules” involving youthful sexuality in America are in flux yet again. Following a rather repressive situation in the 50’s, America’s sexual mores underwent a seismic shift in the 60’s and 70’s. The coming of age of baby boomers, beneficiaries of a privileged and somewhat permissive upbringing, coincided with the invention of oral contraception as well as the development of effective antibiotics for the sexually transmitted diseases that were prevalent at that time. And, this shift was catalyzed by the emergence of early feminism with its focus of self determination and physical gratification. And, all of this was aided and abetted by the decreased role of “organized religion” in the the lives of many young Americans at the time.
Then came the 80’s and 90’s and suddenly there was the specter of INCURABLE sexually transmitted disease. As if genital herpes wasn’t bad enough, there soon appeared human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and its clinical syndrome, AIDS. At the time of its appearance, this disease was not just incurable, it was untreatable. Not only would it kill you, it would do so horribly with everything from purplish “lesions” that could appear anywhere on the body to uncontrollable diarrhea. The pictures of AIDS sufferers wasting away to skin and bones, was enough, for many, to put the brakes on the promiscuous attitudes and behaviors of the previous decades.
Then in the 00’s and early 10’s, antiviral drugs appeared. These drugs were then developed to the point where AIDS could be, if not cured, then at least well controlled. At the same time, the laissez-faire mores of the 60’s came back with a roar and, sexually, it was “anything goes” once again.
Now, as we enter into the late 10’s, the fruits of a laissez faire upbringing and promiscuous baby boomer history surfaced as boomers entered into positions of power and influence in society. Led by such luminaries as President Bill Clinton, Senator Ted Kennedy and a whole legion of successful and hyper successful leaders, revelations surfaced that quite a number of them behaved abominably behind closed doors. The repulsive sexual activities of one baby boomer after another became a fixture on the evening news, seemingly, every day. Calls for a change in the sexual behavior of the American male rang out, and, in many cases, rightfully so.
But, the pendulum is now swinging in the other direction. A return to a more repressive ethos is at hand, and, in the process, discussions of sexuality have become muddled. During the Ford/Kavanaugh brouhaha, for example, many commentators seemed to conflate sexual impropriety with sexual assault. Demonstrably, however, these two behaviors are NOT equivalent. I am not saying that penetration must occur in order for us to label an encounter “sexual assault”, but I am saying that a situation in which objectionable advances stopped without any apparent physical injury and before any clothes were even removed, is, in my opinion, NOT the same as violent rape.
As I researched this topic, I came across the curious case of the “groping” confession of Senator Corey Booker (D-NJ). Mr. Booker, it seems, wrote a confession (of sorts) about a time when he, as a 15 year old, touched a young woman’s breast on New Year’s Eve as they kissed. The young lady involved pushed his hand away and at that point, he says, he ceased his advances. Now, here we are, decades later, and Mr. Booker feels compelled to write that having his hand pushed away was a “wake up call”, saying “I will never be the same.”… Really, Mr. Booker?… REALLY?… While this mea culpa is meant to sound noble, and, I’m sure, to also establish his “#MeToo” bona fides, it is, instead, inane.
Remember, this attempt at so called “groping” occurred during a, presumably agreed upon, kiss on a celebratory occasion. It was not as if he reached across the aisle on a bus to “cop a feel” of an attractive stranger. It was part of an embrace. Youthful sexual “experimentation” is just that. It’s a process of finding out what you and your partner are comfortable with, and what “works” for both. Sexual desire doesn’t work the same way that a business deal might work. While a couple is embracing, it is NOT unnatural for either party to think about a possible next step. While any advances should always be pleasing to both, is the male required, for example, to stop the proceedings and ask: “Oh, did you like that kiss?… If so, may I touch your left breast”?…and…”Now, how about your right breast”?… And so on. I think the reader will agree that such a scenario is NOT a likely one, and, if it did occur, is unlikely to go ANYWHERE any time soon, and is unlikely to be a satisfying encounter for either party. Spontaneity and sincerity as well as old fashioned desire are an indispensable part of the experience. Many people report, favorably, a feeling of being “swept away” with desire. Take that feeling out of the mix, and neither the man or the woman is likely to be happy. Of course, as with all successful amorous encounters, sensitivity to one’s partner is essential, as Mr. Booker was. His decision to “back off” when requested was, of course, the right thing to do. BUT, his so called “groping”, of and by itself is nothing, in this context, to write home about. Or to confess.