That Look
Well, I never thought I’d see the day. I never thought that this would ever happen! Not a chance! No way, Josè! But it HAS happened! I’ve actually done it. Ladies and gentlemen, much to my amazement, I’ve cancelled my lifelong subscription to Playboy Magazine!!! Why has this come to pass? Let me explain.
Dear readers, as a dyed in the wool (old school) heterosexual male, I’ve always had great appreciation for the very lovely (and sexy) pictorials offered in every issue of that magazine. And, on occasion, I DID read the articles too (no foolin’!). During adolescence and my teenage years, Playboy had an aura of hip urbane sophistication with a mildly sybaritic flavor. It portrayed a lifestyle to which an adolescent male could aspire.
And, in addition to the pictorials and articles, I believe that Playboy also provided a very valuable public service! “Come again?” you might say. “Public service?” “Really?” Really! I believe that Playboy Magazine, sometimes singlehandedly, has kept the sexuality of American men pointed in the right direction, if you’ll excuse the double entendre. It’s no secret that many (not all) of the males in the women’s fashion industry are gay. Left to their own devices, these individuals often favor an androgynous look. So, left unchecked, all the women models end up looking like Prince. And, the androgynous look is still a step up from other fads that have been foisted on women’s fashion. A few years ago New York Magazine featured a women’s “fashion” issue where the ladies ALL had paper white skin, dark lips and finger nails, deep deep eye shadow and messy hair that made them, basically, indistinguishable from cadavers. In fact, I’ve seen healthier looking cadavers on a few occasions! The androgynous look and cadaveric look NEVER sullied the pages of Playboy, however. In effect, the magazine guided young American males properly down the path of healthy sexuality. The message was clear: Guys do NOT date someone that looks like they have leukemia! Do NOT date someone that looks like they need a feeding tube! Do NOT date someone who’s gender you’re not quite sure of! And, guys, if you’re not sure of what a woman is supposed to look like, turn immediately to the center fold. See? That’s it! Any further questions?
So for all of these reasons, I have kept up my Playboy subscription pretty much since puberty.
So, when a year or so ago, Playboy announced that they were restyling their product to be more artsy, and that they would also eliminate frontal nudity, my first thought was: Playboy without nudity???? What IS this world COMING TO????
I tried to allay my anxiety. I asked myself that, even with just partial nudity, how bad could Playboy be? Now, having received a half dozen issues in the new format, I can answer that question definitively: pretty bad!
First of all, the ladies featured in the current issues are SO young, every single one would be carded at any reputable bar. Some of them might even be asked for additional proof, their birth certificate or driver’s ed diploma, even. Yes, THAT young.
Secondly, although the current ladies are certainly attractive enough, they, surprisingly, seemed to hold no fascination for me. It took me a while to figure out what, exactly, was wrong. And it’s NOT, surprisingly, the absence of full nudity. What’s missing is more subtle, but of much more import. What’s missing is a certain look. It’s sometimes referred to as a “come hither” look! A look that has mesmerized human males for millennia. A look responsible for the population explosion. A look that will command a man’s attention even when facing, for example, a firing squad….The young ladies of today’s Playboy don’t have it. It’s simply NOT there. This may be because the predominant text/email method of communicating favored by today’s young men and women doesn’t involve actually LOOKING at one another, so, consequently, they’re not comfortable doing so. It may be that the young ladies are ambivalent about “objectification” and the pictorial process as a whole. But,for whatever reason, there is no question that the “come hither look” is not there. In fact the models are either making “funny face” looks of some sort or the other, or, they sometimes look like they might be having intestinal problems! And there’s nothing sexy about that.
So, to research my theory, I studied some past issues from my archive: Yep! There it was! Every lady in every issue had it: the “come hither look”. It was unmistakable. It was refreshing to see. And reassuring (it’s how we perpetuate our species, after all). But now, on the hallowed pages of Playboy, it can no longer be found! Gone, but not forgotten! I hope today’s young men can scare up a few vintage issues from dad, so they’ll at least know what they’re missing!